There aren’t enough moustaches in romance fiction.

I’m not talking about beards here – there aren’t many of them either but they certainly turn up in romance novels more than mos.

I’m not talking about the scruff either. That five o’clock shadow is a mainstay on romance covers as well as in the books themselves.

I’m talking about the hairy splendour on an upper lip.

It should not come as a surprise to any of you that I am a fan of hirsute men. I have previously blogged about my love for chest hair in romance novels. So you will understand my need for more facial hair on male heroes (heck – on female heroines too). So here we are in the last week of Movember and the moustachioed hero is nowhere to be seen in current romance fiction. This disappoints me somewhat. In a time where the mo is seeing a resurgence and during a month of raising awareness for men’s health, while our friends, husbands, sons, boyfriends, colleagues subject us to a month of flinching in order to raise money for prostate cancer and mental health for their brethren, our romance heroes are walking around bare lipped or just plain scruffy.

My thought is that if our menfolk can don the pink polos for cricket, football and any number of events to raise money for breast cancer and other women’s issues then the romance industry should step up to the plate and put those ticklers on their protags and their book covers by November 2014. Come on romance fiction industry!

Meanwhile, I did a really scientific survey of my own bookshelves. Now I have a large, and I mean LARGE collection of romance novels and, of all the books that I own, only 3 had moustachioed men on the covers. I pulled them out and scanned them for their mo descriptions:

“Ross’s mouth would have smothered it before it was half-uttered. She inhaled sharply as she felt his mouth close over hers, the silky tendrils of his mustache providing a shield for both their mouths and giving a shuddering intimacy to his kiss that Ellen would have sworn was impossible”.

A Time to Love by Jackie Black

This guy is pretty special. He is a rarity amongst romance heroes. He is blond. A blond hero with a blond mo. But this mo has tendrils. Tendrils make me think of curls and lengthy mo curls, even if they are blond, just makes me think of the heightened possibility of cereal caught in a mo. I’m not a fan of this description.

Next up:

“He turned her face, and she could feel the soft, silky brush of his mustache, then his mouth, against her cheek. It was more than she would bear”.

Passion’s Song by Johanna Phillips.

Nope. It’s more than I can bear. Silky brush just screams length. Length = more cereal. This is the only description of Lute’s mo in the whole book. I didn’t feel the author’s commitment to his facial hair the way I would have liked.

But then we have Margaret Way’s House of Memories

“You always loved power,” she said, her throat pulled tight.

“Agreed.” The curvy mouth twisted beneath the black, rakish moustache. “Once I even loved you. But that was another lifetime.”

YES! I love that description! I want more!

“Nick stood up and shouldered out of his half opened shirt, his powerful body superbly fit and hard. With the black tangle of hair on his chest and the buccanneer’s moustache, he looked enourmously virile, looking down at Dana from his commanding male height.”

I’m swooning!

Sure, I get it. Few mos look good, particularly when they are in the phasing in stage. I know. My husband tortured me through this process several years ago. Even fewer mos look great. But when they are done well, Oh Sweet Jesus!

Look at these men:

Eagles of Death Metal hot biker mo is hawt!

Tom Selleck’s Magnum mo is smokin’!

The Village People rock us all with a hat trick of Cowboy mo, Biker mo and hubba bubba Construction Worker mo.

Or you can just feast your eyes on Sean Connery mo, Johnny Depp mo or Jude Law mo – bring it on!

A Mo can look awesome. A mo can be sexy.

However, the George Clooney is always only one awkward trim away from a George Roper.

 

 

Amended a day later to add a photo of A Paul Rudd mo: