OK I have another soapbox moment, yes another one, (an aside – I love how Twitter has become my soapbox of choice, so many people get to hear about my idiosyncrasies and likes and dislikes – bliss!!) – female authors who write male characters that “think” and talk like “chicks”.

I don’t want to read about male characters who only belch, put their hands down their pants or just grunt monosyllabically but what I would like is a guy to sound like a guy.

It is jarring and completely annoying when a male (of all sexual persuasions) character spouts out something so incongruous that it makes me scratch my head and say “Huh”

What guy would:

• Check out a girl and think about how her accessories really compliment her overall theme: “Her pencil skirt looks really wonderful with chartruese pintucked sheer blouse and finished off beautifully by the stiletto slingbacks”; or “Her violet eyes glimmered and cornsilk hair blew softly in the wind”
• Utter the following lines: “It stirred my loins into fire” or even better “This is all such sweet sweet torment” or  “Goody’ or my fav “What you needed was someone to meet you where you are emotionally”
• Sit around a pub/bar/club talking about their requited and unrequited feelings in the romance stake. This point has caused some dissent (well amongst 3 of us) Vaveros & her Huzbah disagree with me and believe that guys do this, I on the other hand must only know troglodytes who would prefer to chew off an arm than ‘talk’. So let’s leave it up to you all to decide.

Really? Really , truly? I am not saying that guys are emotional pygmies or don’t have style or don’t love, they just don’t talk or think like females.

To me a sign of a good author is one that can write internal and spoken dialogue of both the male and female characters so well that you can’t tell if the author is male or female – they are just a writer.

Not so successful authors are the ones who wrote the lines or concepts that I pointed above – no I am not naming, not only am I a shallow reader I am a scaredy cat and don’t want to be flamed or hated on by fans.

Successful writers in this: PD James; Elizabeth George; Minette Walters; Linda Howard; Jaci Burton; Robin Hobb; Victoria Dahl;  Anne Stuart; Laura Kinsale; Loretta Chase and so many others.

The sign of a not so good author is one that can’t make their characters ‘believable’, we know they are fictional but to be remembered and to be talked about, characters have to somehow come to life for the reader.